Families

 In our family we realised we were faced with a 12 year old boy who had decided he was not going to cooperate as a responsible member of the family. From the time we were home from school, he would complain, unable to do his homework and blame me (his mother) for everything. My son can be fairly anxious at times and behaves in an immature way. He gets anxious when he has a lot of homework as he has difficulty staying on task.

 

I got to the stage where I felt I was a prisoner in my own home. I felt victimised as he seemed to single me out in the family to take his frustration out on. Progress was very slow, and there were many times I felt like giving up. No matter what I tried with regards to consequences for his actions he would not cooperate. Then slowly, one day he would do something silly and I would explain there will be a consequence and he cooperated for the first time. I took a very long time for my son to realise we were not going to give up.

 

Throughout the months I never stopped showing him love, and affection. On the one hand I would reprimand him for something and at the same time I would tell him how much I love him and wanted to help him overcome the frustrations.

 

It is important to work as a family together as at times I felt very weak and unable to continue. Perseverance is another matter. My husband and I started to implement strategies given to us by our worker. It was a matter of repeating yourself over and over again, having consequences for unacceptable behaviour and most importantly carrying through with the consequences. By doing this we finally saw slow cooperation that with time improved more and more.

 

Another breakthrough was spending time away from my son. In my family I was spending a great deal of time with him. I realised I needed time out and it demonstrated to my son that I have another life also and not totally devoted to him and his needs alone.

 

As a person I feel a lot stronger, and my self esteem is higher than when I first sought help. Before I felt like a prisoner in my own home. It was humiliating to constantly witness my son treating me with such little, if any, respect. It was tearing me apart. I realise now, that it is never too late to capture what values are important to you in your family no matter what! It is possible.

 

I realise also that it is a constant struggle. Reminding my son of appropriate behaviour and at the same time acknowledging his positive attributes.

 

Be open and listen to advice given. Try many things to see what suits you and with small advances and I mean very small advances at times you slowly achieve peace and some kind of order in your family and in your own wellbeing. My family and close friends have noticed the changes. They can see that I am more relaxed and can feel more positive about the future. I realise that I will need to implement the strategies I have been shown with my son for the rest of my life. It is very repetitive work, and my family and I will try to continue to move towards the kind of future we would like, where there is peace, harmony and respect in our family home.